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Say It, Say Something, Say Anything

Have you ever caught yourself, staring at your phone with a text or Facebook message conversation typing a billion different ways of saying something, but then catch yourself deleting whatever it is that you wrote over and over again until you give up? To a boyfriend or girlfriend, a fiance, a wife or a husband, a mother or father, a friend that you're having troubles with, or maybe even an ex of yours? Where you try to think of all these varying things that you want to say to them but you're too afraid to actually send that message because you're fifty-two percent sure that it'll freak them out or make them angry?

But how do you even know that how you think that they're going to react is actually going to be the way that they react? You don't, and it's absolutely terrifying. But then, what do you do if you decide to just give up? Worry about the fear of not saying anything and missing your chance, or scaring them off from the potential of something positive? It's this constant terror of what could go wrong that we nurture to the brink of going insane. It could just be me, maybe I'm just a lunatic. Maybe I just have anxiety issues. But no one can deny that they haven't felt this way at least once in their life.

The time to act is now. Or so many philosophers and life experts say. Dealing with something in the present apparently seems to be the best way to handle any situation. At least you know that everything is out on the table and that you tried, right? Shouldn't that be easy? Well it's not. Have you ever tried to just think about what's going on in front of your face for more than five minutes? Nowadays it just seems impossible. Crap, I just started thinking again. See what I mean! Doing this present-only thing is so difficult. But the few moments that we get lost in doing that one particular thing for that one moment in time is pretty gosh darn peaceful. Enlightening, one might say. And on top of that, you communicated your thoughts, your feelings, your anxieties...dumping all of that extra baggage that we keep stored up in our (what I would like to call) worry box.

We surely don't live in a perfect world, and we surely don't live in world where people are perfect. The best we can do is hope or pray or meditate, or whatever form of practice that involves willing something into being, that we put our best effort in trying to approach the world and the people within it with the best intentions. (That's an interesting thought. Have you ever realized that that's what we hope religion will do for us...will something into existence? That's a whole category of something to write about in the future. How exciting!)

Maybe I've rambled too much. However, look, I lived in the present and wrote something. Whether there's any truth to it or not is up to you. Knowing that I'm putting it all out there though? That's what's worth it. That's what's freeing.

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